Congratulations on your engagement! What an absolutely magical and love filled time in your lives and I’m honored you’ve stopped by.
I’m sure there is ONE MIIIIILLLLLION questions being thrown your way:
- How’d it happen?!
- Have you picked a date?!
- What color or THEME are you doing!?
- What style of dress?!
- Band or DJ?!
- What kind of menu are you picking!?
- What kind of flowers?!
Usually these are well-meaning people who are wanting to share in your excitement and are merely wanting to draw an accurate picture in their head; however, there’s a lot tougher of questions you should be asking yourselves after answering the easiest one of your lives.
While there are the fun things to begin with like color palette and floral recipes, there are a few major things to be done beforehand:
1. Tell your family; Not via social media.
As seemingly innocent as it is to share ev.er.y thing about our lives on social media, it really does a disservice to our “Community” of people. A blanket statement on any particular app instead of a one-on-one looking-in-the-eye moment, can crush some folks… The family and friends who has been there at every holiday dinner in Grandma’s basement, playing games and telling stories long before social media existed. The family and friends that saw a number of past relationships not work but always only had good hopes for you to find this special person. They deserve a hair more personal than seeing it while doing their nightly scrolling.
I’m NOT saying don’t share it all; we all want to shout our love from a mountain-top. Just give it the weekend & hold the moment a little closer to yourselves and with those you love most and who love YOU the most before blasting the internet with it… which leads to the next point.
2. NOT sharing a photo of the ring online.
I know I’m going to balked at for this one.. HEAR ME OUT!
While you and yours just committed your love to each other, there’s also a chance that some dollars were committed to that sparkly thing now upon your hand. It would be a shame if some scum-ball who can find your full whereabouts because of geolocation who now knows you have something of value came to acquire it for themselves… RIGHT? ((This is also my plug to get your new ice appraised & insured immediately!))
Although social media is legitimately the spot we all go to ‘humble-brag’ on ourselves, sometimes flashing it like THAT is just not right. While it is a grand accomplishment to bare your soul and heart to another, it will be one that can speak for itself at a later date.
3. Make a guest list.
Once again, I know I am going to get @’d at.. (Did I use that right!? I’m old for slang terms.) It’s hard to plan a party without knowing how many people you’re inviting. Can’t really select a venue until it’s known what is needed to be accommodated for.
Start with both sides of each family, then add in mutual friends & individual friends. If that list seems to grow a little more quickly than anticipated, make a few tiers. A- “For sure will attend when or where ever” guests, B- “Depends on whatever-factors” guests, C- “I want to invite but know they probably will not actually come” guests.
When considering who to invite think of it this way: Who rooted for you? Who has cheered for your success since day one? Who has celebrated your love and happiness before you even knew what that looked like? And then think, would I buy this person’s dinner if we happened to be out and they forgot their wallet?
That last one sounds silly, but in all honesty- that’s exactly what you’re about to do with any sort of a reception. It really does put it into perspective a little.
4. Crunch some numbers– Build a Budget
This is the part no one ever mentions in the beginning. The Pinterest boards get carried away and then boom- over budget before even getting started.
Seeing what you and your fiancé are going to be comfortable with setting aside and saving, along with knowingly spending will be a defining factor that will shape the Big Day. This budget should be realistic and obtainable. Setting aside a few moments with family members to have a clear understanding of what their definition of a ‘contribution’ might be, should be considered as well. Some parents have a dollar amount, some parents have an heirloom- BOTH are important, but helps to know which is which.
Also consider what parts of the Day will be non-negotiable. The band, the food, the bar, the venue… Whichever you and yours decide are the key factors that may have a larger portion of the budget allocated towards. Do a little research on your area’s general costs so you can make an educated budget, not a guesstimate.
5. Find some sort of marriage counseling.
I am a big supporter of premarital counseling. Being in a neutral space to have tough conversations, lead by a totally neutral third- party hitting the hard topics… Man, talk about setting up for success! Addressing issues before they arise down the road and teaching a couple how to communicate effectively are the main factors that win me over, however there is also a future aspect available. Setting goals together financially and family planning are healthy ways to begin the best journey together.
Seeking counseling does not mean your relationship is unhealthy either! It means you value each other enough to build an even stronger foundation to your new life together.
Now I’m sure you’re thinking ‘Geez Kate this was supposed to be exciting, I just got ENGAGED!’ The Big Day is truly not about how much money you spend, or the location or the flowers… it’s how much LOVE & JOY you feel. At the end of the day, not matter what it will be an incredibly beautiful and meaningful wedding. And while I know no newly engaged person wants to hear the hard facts, it’s important to know how to start off on the right foot. Happy planning & once again- Congratulations on the engagement!
Xoxo,
Kate
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