Mercury Retrograde in Leo began on 7/7 and is the cycle of Mercury moving from Leo to Cancer and back into Leo. This is important as it is in my zodiac sign and as a result “can lead to a distorted way of seeing yourself.”
Aka- here comes the ego check. I know astrological stuff seems pretty ‘out there’ and usually uses overgeneralized statements for each sign; just vague enough to apply to every one in every situation. However, what’s even more scary, is that THIS IS SO FITTING.
I read about the astrological cycle of Mercury on the drive home from our last stint of the holiday weekend and everything I read while Drew drove just hit me in the gut. Mercury in Retrograde tends to cause introspection and is the perfect time to hit the 3 R’s: Review, Reflect, Reassess.
Last week I went through one of those “I’m THE best and I’m killing it at this thing” kind-of-bratty attitudes. Well, reality hit me pretty hard when I took a look at business-side of the business. It’s not doing as great as I was telling myself it was. As a result I am going to be nursing it along for a bit to get where I feel comfortable realistically. Don’t get me wrong, I am doing very well at the front-of-the-house stuff: running timelines, working with clients, physical day-of-event stuff; but nitty gritty, the quarterly goals, accounting, forecasting for the future stuff… that’s where I’m dropping the ball.
Please do not read this and think ” No, no you are killing it!” This is NOT fishing for compliments. I really have been neglecting my responsibilities as a business owner to only operate the day-to-day work instead of the big picture work. There’s always that voice in the back of my head that mentions ‘your accountant can do that’ or ‘you can hire a person for that.’ However in REAL LIFE- I do not have an accountant and I can not hire a person for that because what will I pay them with when I barely pay myself!?
Not only do my accounts need the reassessment, but my mind does as well. Having never owned my own business I was assuming the next person up the chain would handle the big things that arise in the business. (Joke’s on myself- that’s ME.) So here I will sit, until July 31st when Retrograde is complete, and figure out what the heck I’m doing here.
The second half of the quote in the opening statement is “…which could lead to thoughts of insecurity where you feel you need to prove yourself, but instead, focus on what YOU think of you rather than what others think of you.” And while I think I am awesome in some places, I need to be awesome in a few more too.
All of this to say: I turn 30 in 15 short days- 7/24 and am NOT OK.
But knowing that I have been provided the absolute most perfect opportunity for some introspection to build the dream and that it is all part of the joys of growing older…. Makes me feel a hell of a lot better about it.
I am feeling insecure about the business, but I also have no one to prove it to other than myself. And THAT, that makes all ok in the end.
Xoxo-
Kate
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