To be totally honest- I’ve been delaying writing this because as soon as I write it out- it becomes real. And that scares me. I’m not sure if that scares me into an “I can” mindset that ignites a fire or if it will put the feeling of failure onto display. TBD I suppose.
It was a killer summer, busy in the best way possible and full of opportunities & new chapters. Loads of weddings and love happened, Drew and I both have new ‘day jobs’, and biggest of all- we bought a house! Moving in itself is hard, but now OWNING the walls and all that’s inside, or rather supposed to be and is not- is even harder. “Buy, don’t rent; save so much money” is something we’ve been saying for a few years however we’re seeing the exact opposite. Home ownership is harddddd.
I’m finding the hardest thing to be time. As I mentioned, we’re both in ‘day jobs’. While neither of us consider it our Dream Job, we both see the value in holding them to support getting to The Dream. My struggle, since I can’t speak for him, is finding the time to accomplish all the things on all of my to-do lists. Unpacking and making it functional, building my space, nesting as a whole. Granted, I’ve probably extended myself a bit too much the last 60 or so days. I cannot name one day in that time-frame where I did whatever I wanted to do. Every day is a task and a responsibility. I don’t want to say I am resenting any bit of what I’ve been given by The Universe, by I can say that I need some rest.
I’ve been seeing a lot of “you can’t pour from an empty vessel” type motivational images and each one feels like a personal dig. The Universe has drawn its line and made it clear where I should be. But I need to say, that doing nothing (or just all the things that don’t get me ‘further’) makes me feel GUILTY. “I should be working- not doing nothing” is a common thought lately and the mere act of doing the needed home things feels wrong.
I think I am finally ok with saying it… I need a Bulldog Day. A day where I flake off from all responsibility and instead loaf around to do the things my soul needs instead.
I am not sure when this day will be; probably not too far off though. I can feel myself getting annoyed at the silliest of things, taking it out on Drew and unsuspecting drivers when passing them in traffic. I saw something the other day about being sure to feed your soul and it was a real reminder that’s just been living in the front of my mind.
Don’t worry soul- food is coming, soon.
xoxo,
Kate
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